“Upstairs, the master bedroom is quite large, and also looks onto the street, so you can lie in bed all day and note every single coming and going of all your neighbors. (This is what my dad does, now that he’s retired.) There’s a beautiful walk-in closet with tons of built-in storage, so go ahead and click on that “sock of the month club” ad that keeps popping up on Facebook, you know you want to.”

DC9888462_0This beautiful house on a double-wide lot is in Georgetown’s East Village, which is like the Georgetown of Georgetown.  If you live there, you get to feel superior to all the other DC neighborhoods AND the other riff-raffy half of Georgetown.  Your nose will be so far up in the air, you’ll just be looking straight up.  You’ll have to use a blind person’s cane to keep from running into trees and street signs.

But even by the standards of the East Village, this is an exceptional home.  Most of the houses in Georgetown, while generously proportioned, are pretty crowded in together.  Most blocks of rowhouses look like a bunch of husky people flying coach.  If I was a rowhouse, I’d be throwing elbows and saying, back up, for god’s sake, give me some room.  This house has built-in breathing room, since the top of the garage is your private landscaped terrace.  In a neighborhood where space is at an absolute premium, having a big side yard is the ultimate luxury.  It’s literally as valuable as gold.  If you have a kid, you won’t have to bother saving up for college;  when it’s getting close to tuition time, you can just sell off the garage half of the lot so they can put a Lululemon or T-mobile store or something in there.

Inside, a recent gut renovation has thoroughly modernized the home, putting in clean lines and an open floor plan.  I’m really into the new minimalist interior aesthetic;  now when I see a house with colored walls and lots of “wainscoting” or whatever, I think of my seventh-grade girlfriend who had a special pen she used to write each letter of her name in a different color of ink.  The living room is very bright, with two oversized side-by-side windows that look onto the street, and there are rich hardwood floors throughout.  The gourmet kitchen has been updated along with the rest of the house, so there’s a white marble island, stainless steel appliances whose quality exceed your cooking ability by a minimum of like 900%, and a large gas fireplace that some stupid Airbnb guest will definitely think is a pizza oven, so make sure the smoke alarms have fresh batteries.

Upstairs, the master bedroom is quite large, and also looks onto the street, so you can lie in bed all day and note every single coming and going of all your neighbors.  (This is what my dad does, now that he’s retired.)  There’s a beautiful walk-in closet with tons of built-in storage, so go ahead and click on that “sock of the month club” ad that keeps popping up on Facebook, you know you want to.  And the master bath sports twin basins and a beautiful glass-walled marble show with a waterfall head, so you can experience all the natural glory of bathing in a waterfall, but without the three-week stay in a Peruvian hospital for waterborne parasites.  The lower level is a fully-finished sitting room versatile enough to be used for Super Bowl parties or a night of spouse swapping with that couple you met on that wine country tour last year.  And finally, there’s the outdoor terrace.  Below is the garage – the modern day “Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill” is looking for street parking in Georgetown – and on top is a huge flagstone patio with landscaping and a privacy fence.  Unlike the usual postage stamp-sized backyard patio, this one seems big enough for emergency aircraft landings – and best of all, it’s visible from the street, so every time you have a little barbecue, you know your neighbors will be jealously watching through binoculars.  Start practicing your fake laugh of utter delight now for maximum schadenfreude.

3010 Dumbarton Street NW
4 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
$2,520,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Compass, 202-386-6330

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