“The recently-updated master suite opens onto a private terrace that’s perfect for an afternoon lounge, late night smoke, or storing a broken down ’89 Mustang that you intend to restore but never quite get around to, and is an embarrassingly spot-on metaphor for your lost/dwindling youth.”

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I love the mid-century modern style (like most people these days, I guess), but you have to admit that its resurgence is proof that literally everything comes back into style.  It really wasn’t that long ago that houses like this were owned exclusively by deeply-tanned optometrist uncles who called everyone “Chief” and had no idea their home had even gone out of style.  Now this style of home is the hottest thing on the market.  The trend wheel always turns.  As inconceivable as it sounds, even people with tribal armband tattoos will someday be able to reenter society.  (Maybe.)

This gorgeous home is completely screened off from the street by trees, so you’ll have all the privacy you want.  What are you being so secretive about?  *Adds you to government watch list.*  You enter into a vaulted entryway that’s flooded with light via a set of huge skylights, and on the main level, the living room is equally bright, thanks to an entire wall of floor-to-ceiling glass doors.  There’s also a completely open floor plan, a fireplace, original hatched wood floors, and enough built-ins for several thousand copies of “Jerry Maguire” on VHS.  Further on, the dining room and family room both open onto the terrace, and are lit by skylights and oversized windows.  This house seems to be made mostly of windows;  an angry ex with a pocketful of rocks could reduce this place to ruins in like ten minutes.  The kitchen is very modern, with sleek light brown wood cabinetry, a white marble island, and an awesome windowseat where you can sit and drink wine and make passive-aggressive comments about your significant other’s cooking technique.  (“If I called 911 and told them how much butter you just added to that, the police would arrest you for attempted murder.”)

The recently-updated master suite opens onto a private terrace that’s perfect for an afternoon lounge, late night smoke, or storing a broken down ’89 Mustang that you intend to restore but never quite get around to, and is an embarrassingly spot-on metaphor for your lost/dwindling youth.  The master bath sports an awesome soaking tub, twin basins, and a glass-walled shower, and also has terrace access.  Further on is a legitimate library, with walls and walls of shelves and a huge fireplace for when you finish a trashy bestseller and are filled with self-loathing.  (At a coffee shop once, I saw a grown woman at a nearby table finish reading the last “Hunger Games” book, pull a face like you’d make if a hobo nestled up to you in a crowded subway car and licked your face, and toss the book in the trash as she walked out;  I bet she would’ve paid fifty dollars to throw that book into a roaring fire.)

Out back is an awesome flagstone patio, and a beautiful swimming pool that ensures your friends will be “droppin’ in because they just happened to be in the neighborhood” any time it gets above, say, 85 degrees.  (Pro tip: that lie doesn’t really work if you show up already wearing your swim trunks.)  And like the front of the house, the rear is completely hidden by a dense wall of trees; we’re talking total privacy.  I’m not saying you have to go skinny dipping in the pool, but I am saying that if you don’t, you’re a darn coward.  (I’ll make an exception if you set up a meth lab back there.)

2964 University Terrace NW
4 Bedrooms, 4 Baths
$2,995,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Washington Fine Properties, 202-944-5000

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