This gorgeous Palisades home looks like a model you’d see in a miniature terrarium on the desk of the super-attractive graphic designer in your office who’s so cool that when you asked them out for a drink that one time, they laughed and then said, “oh, were you being serious?”

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This gorgeous Palisades home looks like a model you’d see in a miniature terrarium on the desk of the super-attractive graphic designer in your office who’s so cool that when you asked them out for a drink that one time, they laughed and then said, “oh, were you being serious?”  (No, I was just kidding, ha ha.)   That landscaping is world-class too;  there could be a smoking crater there instead of a house, and the lot would still fetch low seven figures.  I wish I had a lawn like this, so when someone told me to go mow it, I could be like, “I can’t, it’s too complicated.”

The house itself has been brilliantly renovated by architect David Jameson (just nod knowingly, you can Google him later), and the interior is as stunning as the exterior.  The massive living room looks out onto the world-class garden – one of the greatest I’ve seen in the District, ever – and features a whole wall of built-ins that are discreetly covered by minimalist cabinets.  This isn’t something I’ve seen very often, but I wholeheartedly support it.  More storage is always desirable but, honestly, no one needs to see your “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” DVD boxsets or your collection of keychains shaped like frogs or whatever.  The light-filled kitchen sports top of the line stainless steel appliances, and counters made of exceptionally stylish marble;  I would’ve chipped off a big chunk to take home with me, but I’d left my chisel in the car.

Off the living room is an awesome, circular sitting room with a vaulted ceiling and a huge window that looks out onto the garden.  There’s also a super long curved windowseat that’s tailor made for one of those group selfies where everyone faces the same way and puts one hand on their hip, that your ex will see on Instagram and think, “thank god I’ve moved on with my life, why do I even follow this person anymore?”  To get upstairs, you ascend a glass-and-black-hardwood spiral staircase that’s like an MC Escher print come to life.  The master bedroom, like the sitting room below, is also circular, and opens onto a curved private deck, so if you accidentally read “Game of Thrones” spoilers online, you can run screaming out onto the deck and throw your iPad into the koi pond.  (Spoiler alert:  Gandalf isn’t dead, he comes back in the next movie.)  There’s also a sitting room area, so if you wake up late and hear the family bustling about downstairs, you can drink some water from the bathroom faucet and then go sit on the sofa and reflect on the fact that between college, graduate school, internships, your job, your marriage, and having kids, you’ve only had maybe six months, total, of adult freedom in your life, and even that counts the six weeks after you broke both your legs skiing and spent six weeks eating ice cream in bed.  (Idea:  if you really need a break, just break both your legs again.)

The master bath features tons of marble (not literally tons, but a lot), and a glass-doored shower.  Not a glass-walled shower, it’s actually a shower with normal un-transparent walls, and a glass door.  Call me a prude, but I’ve always found the ubiquitous all-glass shower weirdly exhibitionistic.  Not that there’s anything wrong with some mild exhibitionism in your own home, but do you really want people looking at you when you’re loofah-ing between your toes with shampoo running down your face?

Out back, the rear garden is even more breathtaking than the one in front.  There’s a beautiful koi pond that you should definitely not cannonball into when you’re drunk, unless you like the idea of fracturing your tailbone, and more types of shrub, bush, and flower than most legit botanical gardens.  There’s even a little pergola where you can go out at dusk and sit, half-obscured among the shrubbery, until your wife sees you and screams.

2355 Nebraska Avenue NW
4 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
$1,988,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy TTR Sothebys, 202-333-1212

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