“There are also two ovens, so you can feel twice as guilty about never baking, and the counters are made of leathered granite, which is a term that sounds like it would be used to describe a pirate’s pectoral muscles in those romance novels your Aunt Nancy reads.”

DC10065114_2_8

This three-level Petworth home was bought earlier this year for $475.000 and is now on the market for a little less than $750K, which comes to about a 60% profit in six months. It’s a beautiful house that anyone would love to settle into, but I feel like it could be dangerous to live in a house that you know you could flip for a quarter-million dollar profit on a moment’s notice. That’s how you end up as the only guy living under the bridge who owns a Lamborghini.

Of course, I don’t mean to imply that the seller just sat on the place before putting back on the market. It’s been exhaustively renovated. How exhaustively? Well, the front porch has a hardwood ceiling. As impressive details go, that’s just a half-notch below the gold toilet. Inside, the main level features the now-ubiquitous open floor plan, so don’t worry about any pesky walls getting in the way of around-the-clock, unfiltered FAMILY TIME. (Just kill me now, please.) There are beautiful black hardwood floors that contrast nicely with the all-white everything else, and plenty of natural light. A lot of thought clearly went into the kitchen; there’s an L-shaped island with a gas cooktop range, stainless steel appliances, and a wine fridge. There are also two ovens, so you can feel twice as guilty about never baking, and the counters are made of leathered granite, which is a term that sounds like it would be used to describe a pirate’s pectoral muscles in those romance novels your Aunt Nancy reads.

Upstairs, the master bedroom has oversized windows as well as a skylight, so either bring some duct tape and black plastic trash bags, or get ready to be woken up every morning by the sun kicking you in the face like a Hell’s Angel you owe money to. The master bath features double vanities, tons of marble, and authentic subway tile just like the kind that real rats and winos desperately scrabble across. The lower level of the house is a fully finished, autonomous living space that you could rent out as an apartment or on Airbnb to pay most or all of your mortgage. Play your cards right, maybe you could even quit your job and pursue your lifelong dream of not having a job. (And what a wonderful, sacred dream that is.) Out behind the house is a wooden deck right off the kitchen, a small flagstone patio, and a detached garage. Off-street parking is a darn lifesaver, but if you don’t have a car, maybe you can convince a gullible intern it’s a carriage house and rent it out? There’s actually a really cool wooden deck on top of the garage that, like heated bathroom floors, makes you think, “this should be the standard for all houses.” It’s such a great use of otherwise wasted outdoor space that someone might be willing to live in the bare bones garage just to have access to the roof deck. Even with uninsulated walls and a concrete floor, it can’t be much worse than your average English basement.

825 Longfellow Street NW
3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths
$749,000

DC10065114_3_8DC10065114_5_7DC10065114_9_7DC10065114_6_7DC10065114_11_7DC10065114_12_7DC10065114_14_7DC10065114_15_7DC10065114_22_7DC10065114_24_5DC10065114_25_5

DC10065114_3_8

Photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Keller Williams, 202-243-7700

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s