You know, I don’t usually get jealous of the houses I tour, even the really lavish historic ones, because most houses are basically alike. If I go to a $3 million Georgetown rowhome, I’m usually thinking, “sure, this is really nice, but on a fundamental level, it’s basically the house I live in minus wall-to-wall carpeting, black mold, lead paint, and a huge hole in the shower wall with a trash bag duct taped over it.” Which is true, as far as that goes. But once in a while, I see a place that’s unique enough that I actually do start to covet it, sometimes quite intensely, which leads me down a spiral that starts with googling “am i too old to go to law school,” and then three or four beers later, “how much prison time do you get for bank robbery.”
This beautiful Adams Morgan penthouse loft is one of those places. The main area is an airy open gallery with twenty foot ceilings and windows that are literally two stories tall. Every time you give them a good Windexing, for the next day or two you’re going to be hearing the soft, xylophone-like bonging of birds flying headfirst into the glass. The main area is for a living-slash-sitting room, and underneath the second-level overhand is a dining room area and a kitchen with stainless steel appliances and an L-shaped island. It’s almost entirely red, so if you spill any ketchup or cherry pie filling or chicken blood, don’t bother cleaning it up. The main area opens onto a nice roomy balcony; if your coworker shows up one night to confess his love and serenade you from below, you’ll have a nice elevated vantage point from which to tase him and then call the police.
Upstairs, the master bedroom has hardwood floors and an entire wall of windows, so pray that someone doesn’t invent an x-ray telescope. There’s a very generous closet area, and the master bath features a large, glass-walled shower with a rainfall showerhead and a weird checkered panels aesthetic that vaguely reminds me of a late Eighties Chuck E. Cheese. You could renovate, wait until it becomes cool again (I’d estimate 7-10 years?), or just do what I do with my shower problems and duct tape some trash bags over the panels. It’s not a long term solution, no, but it’s good enough so that each day when you look at them, you’ll think, “it’s okay for right now, but tomorrow I really have to put an hour aside to deal with this problem like an adult.” And then just do that every day for literally years.
Up on the second level overlook is a sitting room area that’s perfect for lounging, and a spiral staircase leads to the private roof deck. From up there you can see all of Adams Morgan; if you’re persuasive enough, you could probably talk a drunk dude into flinging up a jumbo slice for you. This place’s listing says it’s located “in ‘quiet’ Adams Alley,” and I’m pretty sure those quotation marks around “quiet” are supposed to be ironic, but on the other hand, you will be close to Adams Morgan and all it offers, such as noise, jumbo slices, and dudes in cars who pull up an say, “did you call an Uber?” and then when you get in the back seat they’re like, “yeah, I’m not an Uber but I’ll take you where you’re going for ten bucks.”
2410 17th Street NW #311
2 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths
All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy RE/MAX Distinctive Real Estate, 703-821-1840