“There are two 10-foot-wide oversized bay windows large enough to accommodate a grand piano, sky-high ceilings, an antique fireplace on the opposite wall, and enough room left over to assemble a full-sized pontoon boat in the middle of the floor just to prove to your significant that they don’t own you, after they specifically ordered you not to assemble a pontoon boat in the living room.  (That’ll show em!)”

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Have you ever been at a work party where the bosses ordered one of those 30-foot-long “party subs” that’s basically a regular sandwich except it’s, like, 30 feet long?  That’s what this Logan Circle home reminds me of.  It’s the house equivalent of a freakish mutant sandwich of impossible length.  Which is a compliment, I swear.  I mean, just look at that living room.  It’s literally like they took four standard rowhouse living rooms and combined them into one uber-living room.  There are two 10-foot-wide oversized bay windows large enough to accommodate a grand piano, sky-high ceilings, an antique fireplace on the opposite wall, and enough room left over to assemble a full-sized pontoon boat in the middle of the floor just to prove to your significant that they don’t own you, after they specifically ordered you not to assemble a pontoon boat in the living room.  (That’ll show em!)

The formal dining room is similarly sprawling, with another large bay window at one end, another antique fireplace, and room to seat, I dunno, at least 15.  You’d be railroaded into hosting every single Thanksgiving if you lived here, so maybe just forget to mention to your family that you ever moved out of your basement studio.  Further on, the kitchen is kind of weirdly cramped compared to the in-your-face hugeness of the rest of the house, but it’s perfectly adequate.  I sort of liked it, to be honest, considering how much we fetishize kitchens these days – in many new condos, it’s the largest room in the place, which is crazy considering that most of us don’t cook, and have a weird love-hate-guilt complex about food itself.  If our brain was a house, the kitchen would be a cramped, dingy kitchenette way back in the corner.

Upstairs, the bedrooms are universally large, bright, and trimmed with antique woodwork, like a bed-and-breakfast that you seriously consider sneaking out of before dawn because you know the bill is going to be brutal.  (On the subject of brightness:  the house has 42 windows total, which is an exceptional number of windows, 35 of which face Logan Circle.  You’re going to need to hire a window washer, or have lots of really obedient children.)  The lower level is 100% the largest basement apartment I’ve ever seen, with oversized rooms and a long, standard kitchen.  It’s a full subterranean kingdom that you’ll have no problem renting out to some poor sap who thinks Vitamin D is just a myth.

Outside, there’s a gorgeous, extensively landscaped garden with a big flagstone patio and high privacy hedges, so people walking by will be able to hear you having a great time, but they won’t be able to see that you’re not wearing any pants.  And finally, don’t forget that the house is right on Logan Circle, which would make you a member of a very small and exclusive club.  Even though it’s basically encircled by a three lane highway, Logan Circle is actually a really nice public green space;  having it as your de facto front yard is a massive selling point.  I’ve spent many summer evenings sitting on a bench there, watching a beautiful sunset while, in the foreground, two rats fight over the leftovers of a Popeye’s three-piece chicken box.

17 Logan Circle NW
6 Bedrooms, 3 Baths
$2,436,336

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Long & Foster, 202-299-0424

 

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