“The main space is illuminated by several windows that look about fifteen feet high;  they’re leaded glass, which means that when visitors are like, “I love the stained glass windows!”, you can say, in a really condescending voice, “actually, they’re leaded glass.”  (I get chills of anticipation just thinking about it.)  Off the main living room area is the original apse niche, which could be a real thing or could be a typo in the listing that I’m inadvertently passing on because I’m ignorant.”

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I’m surprised we don’t see more former churches converted to housing.  The church has everything we want in a modern home – high ceilings, lots of windows, lots of marble, an open floor plan.  Convert the bell tower to a rooftop Jacuzzi, and it might be a clear winner over the converted warehouse.  (Not crazy about angels watching me lather up in the shower, but I’m sure they’re not too excited about it either.)  This awesome Dupont home, which was formerly part of The Chapel at Bishop’s Gate, is a perfect example.  This unique space was even featured on HGTV, which means it was seen by thousands of people in dentists’ waiting rooms whose phones had died.

The main space is illuminated by several windows that look about fifteen feet high;  they’re leaded glass, which means that when visitors are like, “I love the stained glass windows!”, you can say, in a really condescending voice, “actually, they’re leaded glass.”  (I get chills of anticipation just thinking about it.)  Off the main living room area is the original apse niche, which could be a real thing or could be a typo in the listing that I’m inadvertently passing on because I’m ignorant.   The centerpiece of the area is the open spiral staircase, which leads up to a beautiful choir loft that’s been converted to a sitting room-slash-overlook.  Some night when you’re sitting up there at 3AM swiping away on your phone, I hope you pause and think, “This space used to be for people to raise their voices to the heavens in hopes of touching the divine, and now I’m just slouching here, looking at ‘The Office’ memes while wearing filthy sweatpants.”

The kitchen, which is tucked under the choir loft, features top o’ the line Sub Zero appliances, and a dramatic recessed light fixture that’s kind of like a digital skylight.  The kitchen’s also u-shaped, so if two people are using it at the same time, they’ll be periodically rubbing their backs together in a quasi-sensual manner, which is totally fine if it’s your significant other, but kinda weird if it’s just some guy you hired off Craigslist to fix the ice-maker.

Further on, the master bedroom is super spacious, with a sitting room area, built-ins, and a small office area that’s perfect for when you wake up in the middle of the night, rush to your laptop, and google, “what does it mean if i dreamed about eating my dad’s shoes.” The master bath is really slick, with a mosaic tile wall and a soaking tub large enough to hold a full-sized Jet-Ski.  (Not saying you should, but not saying you shouldn’t either.) There’s also an incredible shower, the likes of which I’ve never seen before;  there are half a dozen or more showerheads, some of which are embedded in the walls of the shower, so that you’ll be bombarded with jets of water from every direction at the same time.  When my girlfriend and I looked at it,  we just stood there in silence for a minute, and then I said, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?”  I thought she’d be amused, but when she looked over she actually looked angry.  “Don’t say it,” she whispered.  “Don’t say a word.”

1715 15th Street NW #5
2 Bedrooms, 2 Baths
$1,175,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Coldwell Banker, 202-491-5910

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