I don’t think this is the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there. That, incidentally, would be a great, albeit unsubtle humblebrag-ish thing to say to your friends when they come over to see your new place. “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there! Ha ha!” Then when your friends are in the car on the way home, they can do a vicious, nasal impression of you saying that. “‘I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!’ Why would he even say that?! He might as well just grab you by the shoulders and shout, ‘I’m rich!’ We’re definitely not inviting him to the wedding.” (Not being invited to your wedding is a gift, not a punishment, Brenda.)
But anyway, yeah, this is a $2.7 million place in Shaw, and it’s probably worth every penny, although admittedly it’s easy for me to say that since they’re not my pennies. It’s the penthouse unit in the Naylor Court Lofts, and it has all the features you associate with a penthouse; lots of natural light, high ceilings, balconies and roof decks. The main living room area has a double-vaulted ceiling that drops a well of light into the space; there’s also a beautiful gas fireplace that you can curl up in front of in the winter and, every few minutes, sniff the air and say, “does it smell like gas in here? Should I turn the flame down?” The living room opens onto a balcony, where you can stand and shout down at the the rest of the neighborhood, “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there!” (Then quickly duck the rocks and rotten fruit.) The kitchen sports a long marble-topped island and a top-of-the-line stainless steel chef’s range on which you could cook an entire six course meal simultaneously, though why you would do that when you can just eat a bowl of cereal standing up at the sink is beyond me. There are also gorgeous brown wooden cabinets, and a wine fridge, because rancid grape juice goes down slightly easier when it’s eye-wateringly cold.
Upstairs, the master bedroom is spacious and all-white, with many many windows so the sunlight can hit you in the face every morning like a state trooper’s pepper spray. The master bath is a marvel, with twin basins facing a massive mirror, a deep, freestanding soaking tub, and a shower that’s only partially enclosed by a single glass wall. All the taps and most of the fixtures looked to be plated in real gold, though I didn’t ask whether it was real gold or not because I didn’t want to look like a yokel. Just in case it was real, I broke off one of the shower taps, feel free to contact me if you’re in the market for bathroom accessories made of precious metals. There are also a pair of walk-in closets that should easily accommodate all your clothes, shoes, coats, and old car batteries that you’ve hoarded over the years because you can’t figure out where you’re supposed to take them for recycling.
Finally, up on the top level is a world-class rooftop terrace that’s like all the rooftop terraces you see in beer commercials that make you mutter, “no one has a terrace that nice.” It’s certainly big enough to accommodate every single person in whatever bar you happen to scream “AFTERPARTY AT MINE” in at 2:30AM, which is really the only thing that counts. There’s even a space for a hot tub, if you’re inclined to go full-on Ron Jeremy, in which case I insist you also grow a pencil-thin mustache and wear a bathrobe 24/7. Oh, and there’s even a dog run for those days when your dog needs to go out but you just don’t feel like interacting with other human beings, i.e. every single day.
928 O Street NW #3
3 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
Photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy TTR Sotheby’s, 202-333-1212