I’m over it now, but the first time I walked into a DC rowhouse – a house which my then-girlfriend had rented for us, sight unseen – I couldn’t believe how narrow it was. From the front door, I walked down the long hallway, noting the moderately-sized closets I passed, until I ran into the back door and realized that that wasn’t a hallway – it was the entire house, and those “closets” were bedrooms. These days I’m more or less okay with the dimensions of the standard rowhouse (pro tip: hang lots of mirrors), except after I tour a place like this. This 24-foot double-wide Logan Circle rowhouse was so spacious and wide that I was downright depressed when I went back home, which is more or less the first thing I look for in a top-shelf house; it’s got to be so nice that if you come visit, it ruins your day.
You enter into a vivid entryway that’s like “Twin Peaks” meets the lining of a really expensive handbag. Just inside is the kitchen, which is one of those minimalist European-style paneled kitchens where you can’t tell if any given surface is a cupboard, an appliance, or just part of the wall. There are also beautiful Rohl fixtures, an awesome chef’s range with about fourteen more burners than you’ll ever use, and a massive waterfall island. At the front of the house is a huge bay window with oversized windows, and there’s enough room over here – again, this place is 24 feet wide – to accommodate two or three full living room sets, and maybe up to four, if you’re willing to really cram the furniture in there, and stack it vertically. (This is a great way to discourage your in-laws from visiting. “We’d love to have you, but we have four full living room sets stacked vertically all the way up to the ceiling. We can’t even open the door, we go in and out with a rope ladder we dangle out the window.”) I should mention the white oak herringbone floors, too, which would look downright hypnotic after like three weed cookies. At the back of the house is a huge custom window that opens onto a long balcony; having coffee out here in the morning would make your commute 85% more bearable, unless you get caught standing next to the guy I saw on the metro today who was sweatily lurch-dancing to whatever he was listening to on his earbuds, in which case, I’m sorry, but nothing can help you.
Upstairs, the master bedroom gets an insane amount of light, so I would consider tattooing your eyelids black if you ever intend to sleep past like 8. The master bath features twin basins, an extra deep soaking tub in case you ever get sprayed by a skunk, and a glass-walled walk-in shower that could hold at least five or six people, which will seem like a really good idea after like three weed cookies. On top of the house – alongside the stairway to the roof is a beautiful green wall – sits a huge rooftop terrace that’s perfect for entertaining. And by “entertaining” I mean “shooting bottle rockets into your neighbors’ backyards at 3AM after eating three weed cookies.” Lastly, I should note that this spectacular place is less than a block from 14th Street, which is currently the hottest strip in the city. Twenty years from now, when your future child asks why they don’t have a college fund, you can mumble something about “the market” but in your head you’ll be thinking, “you see, in 2018 you couldn’t live a block off 14th Street and not eat in restaurants every single night, it just wasn’t possible.”
1313 R Street NW #2
3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths
Photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Compass, 202-386-6330