This stunning Mediterranean-style home is fresh new construction, so you don’t have to worry about any ghosts, odors, or finding an old, yellowed note under the floorboards that reads, “these walls consecrated forever to the Prince of Darkness, 1871.”  (Maybe that’s why all your houseplants keep dying?)

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This stunning Mediterranean-style home is fresh new construction, so you don’t have to worry about any ghosts, odors, or finding an old, yellowed note under the floorboards that reads, “these walls consecrated forever to the Prince of Darkness, 1871.”  (Maybe that’s why all your houseplants keep dying?)   And the lot backs up to Glover Archbold Park, so at night you can lie in your bedroom – which looks directly onto the park – and listen to the sound of birdsong, only occasionally interrupted by the crash of someone illegally dumping an old washing machine from the back of a truck and then peeling out.

Inside, the house is spacious and bright.  The family room sports a fireplace, timbered ceilings, and direct outdoor access, so if someone tries to show you TV spoilers on their phone, you can throw it directly into the backyard fountain.  (Yes, there’s a fountain in the backyard.)  Further on is the massive kitchen.  If you like brown wood, you’re going to love this kitchen.  If you don’t like brown wood, well, cans of spray paint were on sale at Home Depot when I went last weekend.  The kitchen also sports a chef’s range, dual ovens, acres of marble counters.  Adjacent to the kitchen is a large breakfast room that opens, via two sets of double doors, onto the back patio, and further on is a wine cellar and butler’s pantry.  Considering that no one except the queen of England has a butler anymore, that area’s more likely to be used for you and your significant other to huddle there late on a Saturday night and whisper, “why aren’t they leaving, it’s almost 1!  I’ve fake-yawned so many times I think I pulled a muscle.”  “I don’t know, but if they’re still here in 15 minutes, break out the non-alcoholic beer.”  (Note:  breaking out the non-alcoholic beer will ALWAYS get people to leave.)

Also on this level is a formal dining room and a beautiful office with rich wood built-ins so you can display the laminated “Federal Booty Inspector” certificate you bought in Ocean City.  And out back is a covered terrace with another fireplace and beautiful park views.  Upstairs, the master suite is easily large enough for that revolving, heart-shaped bed you picked up at the gone-out-of-business motel auction, and opens onto a private terrace.  I’m not totally clear why master suites in nice houses always have private terraces and balconies, but I’m pretty sure it involves not wearing pants.  The master bath is equally luxurious, with a huge soaking tub in front of a pair of oversized windows that look out onto the park.  Those distant shrieks you hear are from hikers with a perfect view of you dropping your towel.

The lower level features a gorgeous recreation room, as well as an outdoor loggia with yet another fireplace.  “Even my loggia has a fireplace” is something you should work into as many conversations as possible at your 20th high school class reunion.  There’s also an “art room” down here (“Billy, if I catch you doodling one more time, you’re going down to the art room for two days!!!”)  and, of course, the luxurious and sprawling outdoor terrace.  In the center of the terrace is a large fountain that looks sort of like a pool, but isn’t a pool, but could be used as a pool after like five or six beers, and off to one side is one of the biggest pergolas I’ve ever seen.  I have no idea what a pergola is for, and I’m 90% sure that they don’t actually have any purpose, but hey, if you’re gonna have one in your terrace, might as well have a really big one.

1938 Foxview Circle NW
5 Bedrooms, 5 Baths
$3,995,000

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Photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Washington Fine Properties, 202-333-3320

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