This sprawling luxury home is described in the listing, not inaccurately, as a “modern villa,” and that’s exactly what it feels like. This house wouldn’t look out of place in the hills of Spain, or the vineyards of Italy. It’s on a very quiet block on Massachusetts Avenue Heights, and the listing also helpfully points out that, since only four houses face this block, there’s “generous” amounts of “free parking,” so if you’ve always dreamed of starting a long-term parking business, this is the house for you. Don’t worry about annoying the neighbors – America loves entrepreneurs!
There’s a large Spanish-style porch, and it’s set so far back from the street that when you’re sitting out there, and your neighbors walk past on the sidewalk, you can smile and wave and then turn to your significant other next to you and say, “Man, I’ve always hated that guy.” Of course, you won’t be able to hear your neighbor mutter, “I hope you fall into a wood chipper” as he smiles and waves back at you. Inside, the main level has an open-ish floor plan. Looking closer, it seems pretty clear to me that this main level is the result of one person who was like, “we must have an open floor plan, I’m not budging on this” and another person who said, “we must have at least a few walls, or I’m filing for divorce.” It’s basically an open floor plan, with a huge random structure erected in the middle. Remember when you made a fort out of couch cushions when you were a kid? This is like a permanent, grown-up version of that. I’m kind of in favor of it just because I’ve never seen it done before.
The great room is, as the name would suggest, pretty great, with super high ceilings and awesome light. There’s also a beautiful fireplace and, as you can see in the photos, there’s a huge letter “H” standing against the wall. Don’t ask me any questions about it, because I don’t know. Let’s just move on. There’s a more intimately-proportioned living room further on, with another fireplace – if the next person who lives here doesn’t spend a whole lot of winter nights roasting meat on a spit in here, I’m going to be very disappointed – and a really really cool billiards room. I was sorely tempted to rack ’em up and play a quick game, but I didn’t, because I haven’t played in a while and I’m pretty rusty. Also, because the owner would’ve called the police.
Next is the kitchen; the cabinetry has a mirror coating, so every time you come down here for a late night snack, just take all your clothes off first, and I guarantee your reflection will scare you into sticking to your diet. The island is highly unusual – it’s either some kind of old workbench, or a medieval torture device. Either way, I prefer it to the ubiquitous marble island, and if you don’t immediately carve your name into it, the first day you live here, I don’t know why you even bother carrying that bowie knife clipped to your belt. There is, of course, top of the line stainless steel everything, and there’s even a large wall of exposed brick, in case you ever have to grate a block of really dry and uncooperative cheese.
Upstairs, the master bedroom is long and bright, and it overlooks the street, so you can get up in the middle of the night and check on all the long-term parked cars you’ve got out there. The master bath features twin basins, tiled floors, and a glass-walled shower with the same kind of mirror coating as the cabinets downstairs. There’s a very good chance that one day you’ll come into the bathroom, look at your significant other as they’re showering, think to your self, “wow, they’ve really gone downhill, physically,” and then suddenly realize you’re looking at your own reflection. That’s going to be a rough day.
Up top, the attic would make an incredible bedroom suite; there are massive slanting skylights, an office nook, and even a little outdoor deck area. Whichever family member gets to live up here is going to be the object of a lot of jealousy and resentment, so make sure it’s you. And finally, out back is a sprawling yard surrounded by a high privacy fence. I’m not saying you should have naked wheelbarrow races back here, but I am saying you could.
1527 Farragut Street NW
5 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Long & Foster, 202-299-0424