A DEAD WALRUS, A HAUNTED SWORD, AN ANTI-TANK ROCKET, AND OTHER THINGS YOU COULD FIND IN YOUR HOME DURING A RENOVATION

 

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Colin Steer, of Plymouth, England, had always noticed that his sofa sat unevenly on his living room floor, but he didn’t realize why until he decided to renovate.  When he tore up the floor, he found a 33-foot deep medieval well under his home.  Steer did what any reasonable person would do under the circumstances – he immediately moved out, sought the blessing of a priest, and burned the place to the ground, since it clearly had to be haunted.  Wait, no, he did the opposite of that.  He actually went down into the well, hauled out loads of debris, and eventually found, at the very bottom – a sword.  As of this writing, Steer is still living happily in the house, but we all know that it’s only a matter of time before the vengeful ghost of the medieval barbarian who owned that sword decides to extract his revenge.

A DEAD WALRUS, A HAUNTED SWORD, AN ANTI-TANK ROCKET, AND OTHER THINGS YOU COULD FIND IN YOUR HOME DURING A RENOVATION

“The listing for this stellar Old City condo describes it as “Miami-inspired,” which is true in the sense that it looks like the office where you go to sign a short-term lease for a Lamborghini.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If there’s any cattiness in that description, it’s just because I’m jealous.”

“The listing for this stellar Old City condo describes it as “Miami-inspired,” which is true in the sense that it looks like the office where you go to sign a short-term lease for a Lamborghini.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  If there’s any cattiness in that description, it’s just because I’m jealous.”

THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN DC IS SMALLER THAN THE GARAGE OF THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN THE WORLD

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I was at an open house recently for some sprawling Palisades mansion with six or seven or eight bedrooms, and a family room, a living room, a sitting room, and a great room, and as I walked down yet another endless hallway, I thought, “this must be the biggest house in DC.  Also, they should give us Segways for these house tours.”  Turns out, it wasn’t even close to being the biggest house in DC. THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN DC IS SMALLER THAN THE GARAGE OF THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN THE WORLD

“And finally, the backyard seems as big as a baseball field – the lot’s a jaw-dropping 34,000 square feet – and there’s custom-made playground equipment back here.  If you don’t have children, you can rent it out to the neighborhood kids by the hour.  Knowing how kids like to push things, though, you’ll probably have to pay a full-time bouncer to watch the clock and then physically expel the kids when their time is up.  Don’t worry, it’ll be a good introduction to capitalism for them.”

“And finally, the backyard seems as big as a baseball field – the lot’s a jaw-dropping 34,000 square feet – and there’s custom-made playground equipment back here.  If you don’t have children, you can rent it out to the neighborhood kids by the hour.  Knowing how kids like to push things, though, you’ll probably have to pay a full-time bouncer to watch the clock and then physically expel the kids when their time is up.  Don’t worry, it’ll be a good introduction to capitalism for them.”