And who wouldn’t be jealous of a house like this?  The entire first floor is a massive entertaining space that the listing says is “perfect for hosting fundraisers!”  (The first fundraiser I’d host here would be themed, “I just bought a $4 million house in Blagden Alley, for god’s sake help me pay my mortgage.”)

And who wouldn’t be jealous of a house like this?  The entire first floor is a massive entertaining space that the listing says is “perfect for hosting fundraisers!”  (The first fundraiser I’d host here would be themed, “I just bought a $4 million house in Blagden Alley, for god’s sake help me pay my mortgage.”)

“The walk-in closet is huge, with an awesome modular shelving system that probably won’t get used since everyone just throws their clothes on the floor, and the master bath features twin basins and a jetted tub, so you can get that pulse of warm water riiiiiight where you want it.  (Get your mind out of the gutter.)”

“The walk-in closet is huge, with an awesome modular shelving system that probably won’t get used since everyone just throws their clothes on the floor, and the master bath features twin basins and a jetted tub, so you can get that pulse of warm water riiiiiight where you want it.  (Get your mind out of the gutter.)”

I don’t think this is the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there.  That, incidentally, would be a great, albeit unsubtle humblebrag-ish thing to say to your friends when they come over to see your new place.  “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!  Ha ha!”  Then when your friends are in the car on the way home, they can do a vicious, nasal impression of you saying that.  “‘I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!’  Why would he even say that?!  He might as well just grab you by the shoulders and shout, ‘I’m rich!’  We’re definitely not inviting him to the wedding.”  (Not being invited to your wedding is a gift, not a punishment, Brenda.)

I don’t think this is the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there.  That, incidentally, would be a great, albeit unsubtle humblebrag-ish thing to say to your friends when they come over to see your new place.  “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!  Ha ha!”  Then when your friends are in the car on the way home, they can do a vicious, nasal impression of you saying that.  “‘I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!’  Why would he even say that?!  He might as well just grab you by the shoulders and shout, ‘I’m rich!’  We’re definitely not inviting him to the wedding.”  (Not being invited to your wedding is a gift, not a punishment, Brenda.)

“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

This exceptional Kalorama home used to be the ballroom for the house next door, so if you have a party and, late into the night, want to push all the furniture against the walls to do the jitterbug in the middle of the living room, you could definitely do that, though keep in mind that behind all your friend’s frozen grins of “amusement,” they’re going to be thinking, “why can’t we be like other cliques and just get drunk?”

This exceptional Kalorama home used to be the ballroom for the house next door, so if you have a party and, late into the night, want to push all the furniture against the walls to do the jitterbug in the middle of the living room, you could definitely do that, though keep in mind that behind all your friend’s frozen grins of “amusement,” they’re going to be thinking, “why can’t we be like other cliques and just get drunk?”

“If you’re a recent lottery winner, this row of impeccably renovated, historic rowhouses would be the perfect gifts for your entourage.  (Not sure if they’re all still on the market, but they were a couple weeks ago.)  If you’re lucky, one of your pals might even sign their gift house back over to you in three years when you’re flat broke.  More likely, they’ll just let you crash in the carriage house …”

“If you’re a recent lottery winner, this row of impeccably renovated, historic rowhouses would be the perfect gifts for your entourage.  (Not sure if they’re all still on the market, but they were a couple weeks ago.)  If you’re lucky, one of your pals might even sign their gift house back over to you in three years when you’re flat broke.  More likely, they’ll just let you crash in the carriage house …”