“Inside, the entry level living room is sprawling and bright, and opens onto the outdoor patio, so if your teenager comes downstairs one night to show you a brochure for the expensive art college he wants to go to where they don’t give grades or degrees, you can take the brochure, walk outside, and throw it over the hedge into the neighbor’s firepit.”

“Inside, the entry level living room is sprawling and bright, and opens onto the outdoor patio, so if your teenager comes downstairs one night to show you a brochure for the expensive art college he wants to go to where they don’t give grades or degrees, you can take the brochure, walk outside, and throw it over the hedge into the neighbor’s firepit.”

“There are also two ovens, so you can feel twice as guilty about never baking, and the counters are made of leathered granite, which is a term that sounds like it would be used to describe a pirate’s pectoral muscles in those romance novels your Aunt Nancy reads.”

“There are also two ovens, so you can feel twice as guilty about never baking, and the counters are made of leathered granite, which is a term that sounds like it would be used to describe a pirate’s pectoral muscles in those romance novels your Aunt Nancy reads.”

“The kitchen is huge, with an over-sized marble island with an embedded stainless steel gas cooktop so you can pretend you’re on your very own cooking show, except every episode ends with your family ordering pizza and then two days later one of them is diagnosed with botulism.”

“The kitchen is huge, with an over-sized marble island with an embedded stainless steel gas cooktop so you can pretend you’re on your very own cooking show, except every episode ends with your family ordering pizza and then two days later one of them is diagnosed with botulism.”

“I’m honestly not sure what people do with these private top-floor decks, considering no one smokes anymore and it’s not really feasible to bring food or drinks up from the kitchen two floors below.  If I lived here, I think I’d just toss my dirty socks out there.  (But I’m a disgusting person.)”

“I’m honestly not sure what people do with these private top-floor decks, considering no one smokes anymore and it’s not really feasible to bring food or drinks up from the kitchen two floors below.  If I lived here, I think I’d just toss my dirty socks out there.  (But I’m a disgusting person.)”

“This Queen Anne Victorian dates back to 1883, and was one of the first houses built in Ledroit, making it almost as old as the memes my mom emails me.  (No joke, she sent me a Charlie Sheen “#winning” meme recently.  It may as well have been carved on a stone tablet.)”

“This Queen Anne Victorian dates back to 1883, and was one of the first houses built in Ledroit, making it almost as old as the memes my mom emails me.  (No joke, she sent me a Charlie Sheen “#winning” meme recently.  It may as well have been carved on a stone tablet.)”

“The master suite is large and bright, thanks to two oversized windows on different walls, meaning there could be an awkward moment when one nosy perv neighbor accidentally makes eye contact, through his binoculars, with a totally different nosy perv neighbor watching you at the same time.”

“The master suite is large and bright, thanks to two oversized windows on different walls, meaning there could be an awkward moment when one nosy perv neighbor accidentally makes eye contact, through his binoculars, with a totally different nosy perv neighbor watching you at the same time.”