FEELING ANTISOCIAL? THESE REMOTE HOMES WILL HELP YOU GET AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING

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I love living in the city 99.5% of the time, but that last half-percent of the time, I’m usually dreaming of living on a remote cliffside hut where there’s zero chance I’ll ever hear my neighbors playing that stupid “Wagon Wheel” song on repeat.  These four houses are so remote that you won’t hear anything except the howl of the wind, and maybe the occasional interjection of the imaginary elf your mind has invented because you haven’t seen or spoken to another human being in six months.  Sounds like a good time to me! FEELING ANTISOCIAL? THESE REMOTE HOMES WILL HELP YOU GET AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING

Up on the top level is a lavish recreation room with a wet bar, so once you take that weekend class in mixology you’re always talking about, you can make elaborate cocktails for your friends that they’ll discreetly pour into a potted plant the second you leave the room.  And finally, outside on the roof deck is – hold onto your hats – a HOT TUB.  I might make the occasional hot tub-related wisecrack, probably involving Cinemax movies I watched late at night as a teenager, but I’m the first to admit that if I had my own hot tub, I’d be in there every single night.

Up on the top level is a lavish recreation room with a wet bar, so once you take that weekend class in mixology you’re always talking about, you can make elaborate cocktails for your friends that they’ll discreetly pour into a potted plant the second you leave the room.  And finally, outside on the roof deck is – hold onto your hats – a HOT TUB.  I might make the occasional hot tub-related wisecrack, probably involving Cinemax movies I watched late at night as a teenager, but I’m the first to admit that if I had my own hot tub, I’d be in there every single night.

FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, YOU COULD BE THE PROUD OWNER OF…NOTHING?

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When news broke last week that an exclusive property in Beverly Hills had hit the market for $1 billion, imaginations ran wild with speculation.  A spec house in this neighborhood is asking $500 million, and with a 40 seat theater, a four lane bowling alley, an indoor nightclub, and a jellyfish aquarium, it’s hard to imagine the property that would be worth twice as much.  (The $500 million house also has a moat surrounding the house – a literal, medieval-style, water-filled moat – which begs the question of, does it also have a drawbridge?  And who, exactly, are they worried is going to charge up there with pitchforks and torches?) FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, YOU COULD BE THE PROUD OWNER OF…NOTHING?

The lower level of the home is a big rec room with a wine fridge and a wet bar, so just resign yourself now to hosting every Super Bowl party for the next decade.  There’s also a sauna down here, so instead of hitting the gym and dieting (ugh) for 10 weeks the next time you have to be in a friend’s wedding, you can just wait until the week before and sweat off twenty pounds in here like a high school wrestler making weight.

The lower level of the home is a big rec room with a wine fridge and a wet bar, so just resign yourself now to hosting every Super Bowl party for the next decade.  There’s also a sauna down here, so instead of hitting the gym and dieting (ugh) for 10 weeks the next time you have to be in a friend’s wedding, you can just wait until the week before and sweat off twenty pounds in here like a high school wrestler making weight.