THE NEIGHBORS Former high school valedictorians, people who can immediately tell you off the top of their head how many electoral votes any state has, youngish nuclear families who are pretty cute but not even ten percent as cute as they think they are, lots of people who will never come right out and tell you exactly what it is they do, because they know you’ll assume they’re a spy or something, when in fact all they ever do is Powerpoint presentations. People for whom wearing “comfortable shoes” is a political statement.

THE NEIGHBORS Former high school valedictorians, people who can immediately tell you off the top of their head how many electoral votes any state has, youngish nuclear families who are pretty cute but not even ten percent as cute as they think they are, lots of people who will never come right out and tell you exactly what it is they do, because they know you’ll assume they’re a spy or something, when in fact all they ever do is Powerpoint presentations. People for whom wearing “comfortable shoes” is a political statement.

THE NEIGHBORS Jolly Hispanic dudes who are cool to you even though they pay a ton of taxes to your country yet are still treated as a non-citizen, that one person in every office who is half-jokingly called a “hipster” because they wore Converse All-Stars to work once and now thinks of themselves as a hipster even though they unironically like Maroon 5, bartenders (jesus, they look ten years older in direct sunlight!), white guys who breakdance, families who are doing their part (and then some) to address the urgent shortage of screaming infants and toddlers in public places.

THE NEIGHBORS Jolly Hispanic dudes who are cool to you even though they pay a ton of taxes to your country yet are still treated as a non-citizen, that one person in every office who is half-jokingly called a “hipster” because they wore Converse All-Stars to work once and now thinks of themselves as a hipster even though they unironically like Maroon 5, bartenders (jesus, they look ten years older in direct sunlight!), white guys who breakdance, families who are doing their part (and then some) to address the urgent shortage of screaming infants and toddlers in public places.