… The lower level of the home is a big rec room with a wine fridge and a wet bar, so just resign yourself now to hosting every Super Bowl party for the next decade. There’s also a sauna down here, so instead of hitting the gym and dieting (ugh) for 10 weeks the next time you have to be in a friend’s wedding, you can just wait until the week before and sweat off twenty pounds in here like a high school wrestler making weight.
… “This amazing modernist home was designed by Winthrop Faulkner, a name that’ll raise eyebrows at a cocktail party even among people who have no idea who he is. That name just sounds distinguished. It’s the name of a man who wears linen suits and will tell you to your face that you’re not good enough to date his daughter. This house he’s designed (originally for a labor organizer) is a passive solar home, which means that it gets electricity from the sun and that when you ask where it wants to eat, it’ll say “I don’t care,” but then complain about wherever you pick.”
… “If you’re a recent lottery winner, this row of impeccably renovated, historic rowhouses would be the perfect gifts for your entourage. (Not sure if they’re all still on the market, but they were a couple weeks ago.) If you’re lucky, one of your pals might even sign their gift house back over to you in three years when you’re flat broke. More likely, they’ll just let you crash in the carriage house …”
… “There are two 10-foot-wide oversized bay windows large enough to accommodate a grand piano, sky-high ceilings, an antique fireplace on the opposite wall, and enough room left over to assemble a full-sized pontoon boat in the middle of the floor just to prove to your significant that they don’t own you, after they specifically ordered you not to assemble a pontoon boat in the living room. (That’ll show em!)”
… “A fully detached house is rare in Georgetown. In even the nicest rowhomes in this part of town, you can always just barely hear your neighbors through the walls, clinking their silver against their fine china and talking about capital gains or steel tariffs or whatever people talk about in Georgetown. This detached Federal stands entirely alone, though, much like you did that one time your ex took you to their office Christmas party and then disappeared for like forty minutes.”