“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

The main level is wide-open and filled with light;  when you enter, there’s a sitting/media room to your immediate right, with an entire wall of built-ins.  If you don’t already own at least 250 books, you better go out and buy some or visitors are going to whisper to each other, after they leave your house, “did you see all those empty bookshelves?  What a philistine.”

The main level is wide-open and filled with light;  when you enter, there’s a sitting/media room to your immediate right, with an entire wall of built-ins.  If you don’t already own at least 250 books, you better go out and buy some or visitors are going to whisper to each other, after they leave your house, “did you see all those empty bookshelves?  What a philistine.”

“And finally, the backyard seems as big as a baseball field – the lot’s a jaw-dropping 34,000 square feet – and there’s custom-made playground equipment back here.  If you don’t have children, you can rent it out to the neighborhood kids by the hour.  Knowing how kids like to push things, though, you’ll probably have to pay a full-time bouncer to watch the clock and then physically expel the kids when their time is up.  Don’t worry, it’ll be a good introduction to capitalism for them.”

“And finally, the backyard seems as big as a baseball field – the lot’s a jaw-dropping 34,000 square feet – and there’s custom-made playground equipment back here.  If you don’t have children, you can rent it out to the neighborhood kids by the hour.  Knowing how kids like to push things, though, you’ll probably have to pay a full-time bouncer to watch the clock and then physically expel the kids when their time is up.  Don’t worry, it’ll be a good introduction to capitalism for them.”

HIGH PRICES GOT YOU DOWN? FREE HOUSES ARE EVERYWHERE-BUT THERE’S A CATCH

freehouse

We’ve all heard about free, or almost free, houses in Europe – the castles given away for nothing, the Italian villas for one Euro, etc – and somehow they don’t strike us as that unusual. Unlike the roaring US, we think of Europe as a mess of millenia-old cultures that’s constantly on the brink of utter exhaustion. In this metaphor, Europe is your elderly aunt who has to pay attendants to go on cruises with her, while America is her young vibrant niece who’s choosing between suitors. Right? Well, not so much … HIGH PRICES GOT YOU DOWN? FREE HOUSES ARE EVERYWHERE-BUT THERE’S A CATCH

CARPETED WALLS AND MIRRORED CEILINGS: THE WACKIEST HOUSE IN AMERICA IS FOR SALE, FULLY FURNISHED

The house of your dreams is here.  All those years you spent cultivating your pristine credit rating and saving up for a down payment are about to pay off, but not in the form of a Logan Circle condo or a Bloomingdale rowhome.  No, the house of your dreams is called Lion Gate Estate, it’s in Highland Park, Michigan, and it was built by a former designer of automobiles.  Oh, and did I mention that it comes fully furnished? CARPETED WALLS AND MIRRORED CEILINGS: THE WACKIEST HOUSE IN AMERICA IS FOR SALE, FULLY FURNISHED