I don’t think this is the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there.  That, incidentally, would be a great, albeit unsubtle humblebrag-ish thing to say to your friends when they come over to see your new place.  “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!  Ha ha!”  Then when your friends are in the car on the way home, they can do a vicious, nasal impression of you saying that.  “‘I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!’  Why would he even say that?!  He might as well just grab you by the shoulders and shout, ‘I’m rich!’  We’re definitely not inviting him to the wedding.”  (Not being invited to your wedding is a gift, not a punishment, Brenda.)

I don’t think this is the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it’s up there.  That, incidentally, would be a great, albeit unsubtle humblebrag-ish thing to say to your friends when they come over to see your new place.  “I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!  Ha ha!”  Then when your friends are in the car on the way home, they can do a vicious, nasal impression of you saying that.  “‘I don’t think this was the most expensive place to ever hit the market in Shaw, but it was up there!’  Why would he even say that?!  He might as well just grab you by the shoulders and shout, ‘I’m rich!’  We’re definitely not inviting him to the wedding.”  (Not being invited to your wedding is a gift, not a punishment, Brenda.)

“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

ONE OF THESE ABANDONED PRISONS COULD BE THE COUNTRY HOME OF YOUR DREAMS (OR NIGHTMARES)

Looking for a vacation home?  This property in upstate New York, near the Adirondack mountains, boasts 99 acres, incredible views, 98,000 square feet of living space, and sleeps 250.  The only catch – it’s a prison.

Well, former prison.  After a series of legal reforms, New York reduced its inmate population so much that it’s had to close over a dozen prisons, and they’re now on the auction block.  Only one has been successfully repurposed so far;  the former Mid-Orange Correctional Facility is now the Warwick Valley Office Park.  (The hyper-irony of having a miserable, fluorescent-lit cubicle job in what used to be a literal prison is peak America.)  ONE OF THESE ABANDONED PRISONS COULD BE THE COUNTRY HOME OF YOUR DREAMS (OR NIGHTMARES)