This exceptional Kalorama home used to be the ballroom for the house next door, so if you have a party and, late into the night, want to push all the furniture against the walls to do the jitterbug in the middle of the living room, you could definitely do that, though keep in mind that behind all your friend’s frozen grins of “amusement,” they’re going to be thinking, “why can’t we be like other cliques and just get drunk?”

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This exceptional Kalorama home used to be the ballroom for the house next door, so if you have a party and, late into the night, want to push all the furniture against the walls to do the jitterbug in the middle of the living room, you could definitely do that, though keep in mind that behind all your friend’s frozen grins of “amusement,” they’re going to be thinking, “why can’t we be like other cliques and just get drunk?”

Inside, it’s just as open and refined as you’d imagine.  The living room has gleaming hardwood floors, an antique fireplace, and an original chandelier that’s shaped either like an upside down ice cream cone or something I can’t mention because this is a family-friendly blog.  Off the living room is a quaint little wet bar, complete with a dumbwaiter that you can point to when visitors come over and say, “we’ve even got a dumbwaiter!”  That’s about all it’s good for, because I guarantee you’re never going to use it.  There’s also a balcony off the living room that overlooks the back garden, which is nicely landscaped.  On the lower level is a long dining room, and the all-white kitchen which features an oversized marble island, stainless steel appliances, and glass-front cabinets so anyone who comes in will be able to see that all you buy at the grocery store is Fruit Roll-Ups and zoo shaped mac and cheese.

Upstairs, the master bedroom features French doors that open to juliet balconies, and a wall of closets that you can randomly stuff all your crumpled clothes into because deep down you’re still 12.  The master bath sports twin basins and has a glass-walled shower – and the glass is lightly tinted.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before, and it struck me as a brilliant idea.  Showering behind glass walls feels very exposed, meaning you can either lock the bathroom door every time you take a shower, opening yourself up to half a dozen instances a year when your significant other starts jiggling the door handle and shouting, “why is this door locked?!  What are you doing in there that you need to lock the door?!”  Or you can leave the door unlocked and let them just walk in and be like, “oh, sorry, I just need to grab my – oh wow, you’re really lathering up that one particular area really meticulously, aren’t you?”  The tinted shower wall is the shower wall that America didn’t know it needed.  Oh, and there’s also a skylight in the bathroom, an architectural feature that I’m sure we’ll be seriously reconsidering as we enter the era of cheap drones.

Out behind the house is a beautiful flagstone patio, and a two-car garage.  The roof of the garage has been converted to a deck, so you can lay out there and get some sun.  I should also mention that you should probably not buy this place unless you like it exactly the way it is.  There was a minor kerfluffle a few years ago when the owner wanted to pop up the house and add a floor onto the top of the garage, and connect them with a breezeway, and the neighborhood rose up in righteous indignation like a roomful of dads after someone says they prefer an automatic transmission to a manual one.  Turns out this house is not only in a historic district, but it’s also covered by a private conservation easement, meaning that any renovations would have to be approved by not one but two separate committees of people who sincerely believe American architecture peaked during George Washington’s lifetime and who wear those little half-glasses that perch at the very end of your nose.  (They’re called “hater spectacles” for a reason.)

2130 Bancroft Place NW
2 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths
$2,700,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS;  listing courtesy Washington Fine Properties, 202-944-5000

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