WHY JUST BUY A HOUSE WHEN YOU CAN BUY AN ENTIRE TOWN?

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The family of a friend of mine own an entire abandoned mining town in the south.  The highlight of every summer vacation there is the 4th of July, when they set up a bunch of watermelons in the windows and doors of the decrepit buildings, and speed back and forth down Main Street in pickups, taking potshots at the melons with their guns.  (All of this is done in the spirit of high irony, I assure you.)  So if you read the above headline and thought, “why would I want to own an entire town?”, well, there’s your answer. WHY JUST BUY A HOUSE WHEN YOU CAN BUY AN ENTIRE TOWN?

“Upstairs, the first master bedroom also has its own private deck, and the master Porcelanosa bath features twin basins, a fantastic soaking tub, and even a toilet that’s “cool.”  That shows you the attention to detail that went into this place;  I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a “cool” toilet.  Now I’m racked with insecurity that my own toilet is super lame.”

“Upstairs, the first master bedroom also has its own private deck, and the master Porcelanosa bath features twin basins, a fantastic soaking tub, and even a toilet that’s “cool.”  That shows you the attention to detail that went into this place;  I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a “cool” toilet.  Now I’m racked with insecurity that my own toilet is super lame.”

DO YOU LIKE CATS AS MUCH AS THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE?

If you have a delirious all-consuming love for cats AND a borderline sociopathic disregard for the opinions of other people, I may have the dream home for you.

Located way out in the middle of unincorporated Concho, Arizona, and priced at a reasonable $240,000, this place takes ailurophilia way too far, and I say that as an unapologetic cat lover who has plush sheepskin catbeds bolted to all of my windowsills and who, at least once a month, while sitting in a bar or restaurant, will sniff the air and realize that one of the articles of clothing I put on that morning had been stealthily soaked down with cat urine at some point.  Let’s go to the photos … DO YOU LIKE CATS AS MUCH AS THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE?

“There’s also a butler’s pantry and a wine cellar, which you might need to get renovated, because the racks aren’t big enough to hold the $7.99 five-gallon jugs of Ernest & Julio Gallo you favor.  (Hey, no judgment – I recently bought a bottle of Mad Dog because I was having a gnat problem in my kitchen, and I read online that Mad Dog is irresistible bait for gnats, but I ended up drinking – and enjoying – the whole bottle”

“There’s also a butler’s pantry and a wine cellar, which you might need to get renovated, because the racks aren’t big enough to hold the $7.99 five-gallon jugs of Ernest & Julio Gallo you favor.  (Hey, no judgment – I recently bought a bottle of Mad Dog because I was having a gnat problem in my kitchen, and I read online that Mad Dog is irresistible bait for gnats, but I ended up drinking – and enjoying – the whole bottle”