The apartment I live in now has a dropped ceiling, except for the parts where it doesn’t, and you can look up through random un-dropped ceiling portals and see the original metal ceiling, and from certain angles you can see sections where the original metal ceiling has been torn away to expose wiring and roof beams and various dark crevices that I’m absolutely certain are teeming with silverfish and roach nests. Examining my trashed, and possibly hazardous-to-health, ceiling makes me feel incredibly anxious, and yet I do it like twice a day. Looking at this kind of thing is like watching a horror movie; the anxiety is terrible, but you can’t get enough. Grab your Xanax and let’s look at some terrible, horrible, irresistible photos of precarious houses. … THE MOST ANXIETY-INDUCING ARCHITECTURE PHOTOS ON THE INTERNET
… Stroll down the foyer and you come to the living room. What can I say, it’s a room. It’s nice-sized, with several large windows, and enough space for one of those huge sectional sofas that are more comfortable to sleep on than an actual bed. What else? There’s a little shelf on the wall. You can stack all the cash you’re not paying towards rent anymore on the shelf. Your friends will come over and be like, “why is there $75,000 in stacked hundreds on that bookshelf?” (“That’s all the money I’m not paying on rent anymore, since I bought this place. I’m stacking it on that shelf because my aunt forwarded me an e-mail about the Federal Reserve and now I don’t trust banks.”) It’s a nice living room.
We all had a few years when we weren’t, perhaps, at our personal best, style-wise. For me it was the first part of high school. My parents still have a school photo of me, dressed in head to toe “Charlotte Hornets” gear, with a perfect trapezoid of tanned skin in the middle of my otherwise pale forehead, from wearing a backwards baseball cap all summer. Now, if you saw that photo, you might smirk, but you wouldn’t come right out and mock it. You wouldn’t riff on it. But if we were talking about a house? If we were talking about embarrassing old photos of a $135 million Beverly Hills mansion? Why wouldn’t we mock embarrassing photos of a mansion? … EVEN THIS RECORD-BREAKING $135 MILLION MANSION HAD AN AWKWARD PHASE