“The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.”

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This gorgeous Forest Hills mansion is at the end of the lane, and backed right up to the park, so you’re going to have plenty of privacy, which could be a double-edged sword.  On one hand, you’ll be able to mow the lawn with no pants on;  on the other hand, every time an unfamiliar car drives by, your significant other is going to be like, “who’s that? I don’t know them. Should I call the police?”  (It’s probably just somebody’s Uber, Brenda.) When I was a kid, I lived for a few years in a house on a cul de sac, and my parents treated the appearance of any unfamiliar car like it was a Soviet tank, though in retrospect maybe they were just lonely.

The inside of this mansion is as impressive as the outside; the living room is bright and airy, with an antique fireplace, and direct access to the screened-in porch.  Sleeping in a screened-in porch is one of the best things about summer, along with cookouts with friends, and snickering at that stripe of sweat down the middle of your boss’s back when he comes back from lunch.  Right off the living room is the amazing library, which boasts tons of built-ins and an 18-foot peaked ceiling made of six separate skylights.  It’s the perfect room to kick back with a book that, best case, will probably only be 30% as absorbing as vacantly swiping through animated GIFs on your phone.  Further on is the sprawling dining room, which has great views of the park.  “I wonder how many undiscovered buried corpses are in those woods,” you’ll wonder as you tuck into your crab cakes and asparagus.  Off the dining room is the family room, which has a wall of windows as well as more skylights;  in August, this room is the same approximate temperature as the surface of the sun by noon.  The kitchen is in the same vein, with windows on three sides and, yes, more skylights.  (The contractor must’ve had a “buy ten skylights, get five free” coupon.)  There are also marble counters, sleek black cabinets, and top of the line stainless steel appliances.

If all those skylights weren’t enough for you, there’s also a legit sunroom with walls of windows, which would be a great place to hang out on a summer afternoon if sunlight wasn’t literal radiation.  (But it is.)  Upstairs, the master bedroom sports hardwood floors and a walk-in closet larger than many Manhattan apartments.  The master bath has a freestanding soaking tub and a shower large enough to accommodate a full-grown thoroughbred racehorse.  (Pro tip:  keeping your horse in your shower saves you tons of money on those exorbitant stabling fees.)   There’s also a media room up here with so many more skylights that at this point I started to wonder if the architect was just trolling us.  It’s like when I get really lazy in Minecraft and just build a whole town out of doors.  (Great light up here, though.)

At the top of the house is a beautiful loft bedroom with dramatic, slanting ceilings;  this is probably the best bedroom in the house, if you don’t mind climbing stairs.  And finally out back is a three-level carriage house;  the ground level is a garage, the bottom level is a rec room, and the top level is a high-ceilinged one-bedroom apartment that you can either rent on Airbnb for truly ridiculous sums of money, or just keep open to use for the occasional stress-relieving “staycation.”  I find that the most relaxing staycation is when you tell your family you’re going to Tampa for a weeklong business conference, leave with your bags, circle around back, and just stay hunkered down in the apartment for a week.  Don’t forget to stock up the kitchen ahead of time, or you could have some explaining to do when you run into your wife and kids at Arby’s.

4630 Fieldstone Lane NW
5 Bedrooms, 6 Baths
$2,595,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Washington Fine Properties, 202-544-9000

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