FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, YOU COULD BE THE PROUD OWNER OF…NOTHING?

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When news broke last week that an exclusive property in Beverly Hills had hit the market for $1 billion, imaginations ran wild with speculation.  A spec house in this neighborhood is asking $500 million, and with a 40 seat theater, a four lane bowling alley, an indoor nightclub, and a jellyfish aquarium, it’s hard to imagine the property that would be worth twice as much.  (The $500 million house also has a moat surrounding the house – a literal, medieval-style, water-filled moat – which begs the question of, does it also have a drawbridge?  And who, exactly, are they worried is going to charge up there with pitchforks and torches?) FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, YOU COULD BE THE PROUD OWNER OF…NOTHING?

“If you’re a recent lottery winner, this row of impeccably renovated, historic rowhouses would be the perfect gifts for your entourage.  (Not sure if they’re all still on the market, but they were a couple weeks ago.)  If you’re lucky, one of your pals might even sign their gift house back over to you in three years when you’re flat broke.  More likely, they’ll just let you crash in the carriage house …”

“If you’re a recent lottery winner, this row of impeccably renovated, historic rowhouses would be the perfect gifts for your entourage.  (Not sure if they’re all still on the market, but they were a couple weeks ago.)  If you’re lucky, one of your pals might even sign their gift house back over to you in three years when you’re flat broke.  More likely, they’ll just let you crash in the carriage house …”

The main level is wide-open and filled with light;  when you enter, there’s a sitting/media room to your immediate right, with an entire wall of built-ins.  If you don’t already own at least 250 books, you better go out and buy some or visitors are going to whisper to each other, after they leave your house, “did you see all those empty bookshelves?  What a philistine.”

The main level is wide-open and filled with light;  when you enter, there’s a sitting/media room to your immediate right, with an entire wall of built-ins.  If you don’t already own at least 250 books, you better go out and buy some or visitors are going to whisper to each other, after they leave your house, “did you see all those empty bookshelves?  What a philistine.”

THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN DC IS SMALLER THAN THE GARAGE OF THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN THE WORLD

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I was at an open house recently for some sprawling Palisades mansion with six or seven or eight bedrooms, and a family room, a living room, a sitting room, and a great room, and as I walked down yet another endless hallway, I thought, “this must be the biggest house in DC.  Also, they should give us Segways for these house tours.”  Turns out, it wasn’t even close to being the biggest house in DC. THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN DC IS SMALLER THAN THE GARAGE OF THE BIGGEST HOUSE IN THE WORLD

“There are two 10-foot-wide oversized bay windows large enough to accommodate a grand piano, sky-high ceilings, an antique fireplace on the opposite wall, and enough room left over to assemble a full-sized pontoon boat in the middle of the floor just to prove to your significant that they don’t own you, after they specifically ordered you not to assemble a pontoon boat in the living room.  (That’ll show em!)”

“There are two 10-foot-wide oversized bay windows large enough to accommodate a grand piano, sky-high ceilings, an antique fireplace on the opposite wall, and enough room left over to assemble a full-sized pontoon boat in the middle of the floor just to prove to your significant that they don’t own you, after they specifically ordered you not to assemble a pontoon boat in the living room.  (That’ll show em!)”